Mono trapped in a poly world, HELP!
I've come a long way from where I once was. However at heart I'm still mono, holding on to Disney and classic American dream values. It would take way too long to explain the journey I have been on, but what I would really like to address is what I call my "impending doom". It is a feeling that I never got until I fell in love, and it is something that grows worse with each passing day.
I love my boyfriend, unconditionally and truly, and I know he feels the same way. But I just have this creeping feeling in the back of my mind that I do not belong in his life. That I am not good enough, or smart enough or have enough money or value. I'm the youngest out of all his girlfriends, and to be honest my life is a young person mess. I'm still trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be, and how to get there. When I'm not with my boyfriend I feel like he forgets me, or doesn't care, or that I'm not important.
I understand that he still has to take care of his other girls, but growing up with the mind set that I did, it is really hard for me.
It is the absolutely most heart breaking thing to me to watch the man I love, love two other women. I guess poly people don't feel that way, but I'm not poly, not yet anyway. But I couldn't imagine loving anyone other than him, believe me I've tried.
I don't know how this is coming off, but it is not meant to be a "monogamous is better" post, more so a "help I'm mono and in love with a poly" post.
Is there anyone else out there in a similar situation who feels the same way? Or knows how to deal with it? Or anyone who has been there and dealt with this?
I just want to be able to sleep at night again. I'm tired of crying and feeling inadequate. I know the fault lays with me and my mind set, my boyfriend has been the most wonderful, understanding, loving and patient person. I just want to be the same for him, but I also want to be better, for the both of us.