I'm the wife in this lovely little situation. :)
Hubby (Matt) has been super honest and upfront with me regarding his thoughts and desires. I will admit that Si has been spending quite a bit of time in our home. She has all but packed boxes and moved in. Cohabitation is a no-no. That was mutually decided.
He's expressed it to her, and I can't say it has gotten better as it's not in practice due to us being in separate parts of the world. I returned home on the 20th of February from a medical conference in S.F., and babe left 8 days later. During that time, there were no unexpected drop-by's or night caps. I attribute that to both of us working most of those nights, so she didn't have the time to violate it. We'll see when we get home. If she doesn't listen, I wouldn't blame him if did tell her that she was no longer welcome at all.
On the flight to Cabo on Valentine's morning, I sort of felt bad about leaving her, but then I realized how much we needed one-on-one time. It did cross my mind about extending an invite to her, but it was like no because babe planned this for us. No kids. No Si. Just me and him on a beach and enjoying each other's company. That initial feeling of wanting her there melted like ice on a 95 degree day. I was happy that DH was relaxing and not on edge because he had to invite her. I loved, loved, loved every single day we spent together. We acted like honeymooners, and looking back, I could see the appeal of it just being us.
I don't believe the issue is just at home, though. It's evolved to everywhere. Family vacations, weddings, and at various events and such. The way it was explained to me was that he feels like he HAS to include her, and it's clearly in a begrudging sense. He doesn't want to exclude her, so out of respect for me and my relationship with Si, he does what we as women do sometimes. Grins and bears it, but secretly, I feel like he loathes.
I could take our son with me to Si's place, but in all actuality, I probably wouldn't spend the night. Before we had children, maybe. I'm a home body. I simply like waking up in my own home and being woken up by our daughter. Those little moments mean the world to me. Matt has never told me that I couldn't stay at her place. It's not what I want to do at this point. Visiting is fine, but home is where I feel the most comfortable.
Right now, I can't respond to him wanting her completely out of the picture. That requires some serious talking with all three parties. First things first is, he has to formally end things with her. Babe wants to do it face to face. That's his right. From there, he and I need to talk. I have to talk to Si. I can't say that I'm opposed to being mono. I simply can't rule it out. It's not what I'm accustomed to it, so I can't knock it or say that's not for me.
A semester schedule seems quite nice in theory, but due to our ever changing and evolving work schedules, it would have to be done on a week to week basis. We're all on-call at different times and can be called in for an emergency at any given moment, which could throw off planned nights or time. The balance is off, and I don't want Matt's needs to be neglected. The whole schedule would have to be tentative and have a pink pen handy to make changes.
It's a work in progress, and we're taking steps towards working out the kinks and attempting to get the balance back. We'll get there one way or the other. I'm positive and optimistic. I'm happy he came to me and expressed his feelings.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.
Last edited by FullofLove1052; 03-06-2013 at 04:07 PM.