BoringGuy -- I have said it in a way of being respectful of my wife's desire to spend time with her, acknowledging that it's not just my home, and being mindful of their relationship. It's been vocalized, expressed, and deeply stressed. "Call before you show up." "Let us know in advance." "Convey it to Ry (my wife), so I have some type of say who comes in and out of our home." I'm not sure how many different ways I can say the same thing and make it stick. I would like to say she got the message that she wasn't welcome by me and won't do it anymore. That's like believing the Loch Ness monster is real. If it was anybody else, I wouldn't hesitate about putting them out for good and asking them to never return. That's just me and how I am.
I haven't been at home since Feb 28th, and she stayed at her apartment leading up to me departing. That's not an accurate measure because we had only been home for a short time. Days as a matter of fact, and she was working an odd schedule. Since my wife has been away, I can guarantee she'll be right back at it when we return home. It feels more like a respecting our space, marriage, and and a boundary issue.
The decision to end the relationship with her has been in the making for awhile. The feelings of guilt over being with her and knowing that I'd never love her the way I love my wife or even at all were the final nails in the coffin. I always felt like I was cheating on my wife, and it didn't feel right. I tried it, and it's a lesson learned. I don't have it in me to love more than one woman. I'm a monogamous guy, and that's that.
Regarding my not wanting to be in a poly family anymore. It came up over dinner, and I detailed why I feel the way I do. I didn't corner her like, "I feel like ___, and ___ this is what you need to do to fix it." It was more along the lines of, "Lately, I have come to realize that what I agreed to in the beginning is not quite what I want for the present or the future. I love you, and I vowed to keep a smile on your face. In keeping with our vow of honesty and being real with one another, I'm not feeling having a third person in our marriage. I agreed to this dynamic because I was in love with you, and I knew you were the woman for me. Much like a woman who had prior children from a previous marriage, it became a package deal. It was either lose the woman I love or accept your lifestyle and the other person that came along with it...." So on and so forth. Love won out. I can't say I have regrets because I love my wife, and at this very moment, I'm in love with her. But I can't help feeling like I wish it was the two of us instead of three of us. As I'm getting closer to 40, it's hitting me that I don't want to grow old with you and her. I want to grow old with just you. I feel wrong for thinking like that, but I have to own what I feel.
My wife is on here. I'll forward her the link and see if she's up to weighing in on the subjects at hand.