Flat out...her constant presence annoys me. Our marriage isn't suffering, but it's to the point that I don't want her around because she's there that much. She has a key and the passcode to the alarm system. She's like the houseguest/unwanted visitor who just won't leave and overstays their welcome. The initial agreement was that she wouldn't move in. That still stands. Our marital home and bed were off-limits as far as living in. That was firm from the moment of proposal on. My wife and her girlfriend agreed. Visiting one's apartment isn't living there. That's what she does. She doesn't even need to pay rent. She might as well move in and help pay the mortgage as much as she's around. Before that happens, I'd move out first.
I hate to be a prick, but I've come close to putting her out. Within seconds of opening the door and asking her to leave right then and there. Rude? Yes, but I've been there. Necessary? It feels like it. At one point she was trying to share our bed. I shut that down. Stay in one of the other four guest bedrooms if you just have to be in the house. Stay out of our bedroom.
It's not registering in her brain that we need alone time. I can't tell if she doesn't care or if it just doesn't matter to her and she just is a habitual boundary crosser. I'm huge on respect. Respect my time with my wife and fall back. I don't think that's unreasonable.
Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary and the one place where you can feel at home. Not the place you want to avoid.
Our children are young. 3 and 8 months, so it will be awhile before they have football practice, cheerleading, etc. to keep them out of the house and busy. The 8 month old is still being nursed. My wife is the one who insists on being at home every night. I never imposed that on her. It's what she always insisted on, so it's her choice to not spend the night at her girlfriend's apartment. She doesn't want to be away from our kids or break the nighttime routines like reading them stories and getting them ready for bed. That's her thing. I can understand that.
And I am fed up with my wife's polyamory as a result of this, and I'm tired of sharing her. I'm steering clear of that fork in the road that leads to me asking her to choose between me or her. At times, I do want it to just be the two of us in this marriage and not three. I revealed that last night, and she was taken aback and quiet after that. I guess she has to process that, so when she's ready to talk, she'll come to me. There was no way I could express that without making somebody feel bad. That's just what it is, and I needed to get it out and in the open.
The lines of communication are open. We've always been honest with one another. This situation worsened over time. I thought the feelings would go away and that things would smooth out.
My wife and I have date nights, but when we return home...there she is. Buzz kill. It always starts off as 2 and it ends up as 3. You know it's bad when I have to be thousands of miles away from her to be alone with my wife with no interference from her end.
If it continues on this path, I will request that she not enter our home at all. If that means changing the locks and removing her name from the list at the gate, that's just what it may end up having to come to.