You have all of these ideas of what your boyfriend should be doing in your relationship. Your feelings and needs are valid. But only he can control his behaviour. If you have communicated to him what your needs are and he has failed to meet them, then what's in this relationship for you? Never mind polyamory, I'm talking about the relationship itself. Why stay with someone who does not meet your needs? Why commit to someone who doesn't support you when you're feeling troubled, who pressures you into something you're not comfortable with?
Originally Posted by lemondrops
In my opinion when two people decide to go from a mono relationship to a poly one, then there should be no need to start flirting with every single girl who you might see on the street or wherever. I do not like, I actually hate, the idea of my boyfriend losing his mind when we go out and starting flirting with a ton of girls who just seem to have a friendly and a pretty face. This just seems wrong.
My husband is an incorrigible flirt. He loves checking out girls, pointing out cute butts, and remarking how awesome it is to have a wife who totally supports his natural tendency and doesn't try to stifle him. He never would have stayed with me if I'd been the type of woman to chastise him for that. I'm secure in my awesomeness and I know he's not going to leave me for some fresh piece of ass, so what's there to worry about?
It's just flirting. I've honestly never understood why some women (it's usually women) make such a big deal out of flirting. It's not like he's running up and humping their leg or asking 20 girls to come home with him on Friday.
His desire to flirt has nothing to do with polyamory. Plenty of monogamous-minded people flirt. Actually, flirting doesn't necessarily even have to do with relationships or dating. For many, it's just harmless fun, a way for two people to interact. It's not so much a "need" as a personality trait. He's flirtatious.
There is no way you "should" feel about that, you feel what you feel. But when you discourage his flirtatious nature, it tells him that you don't accept him the way he is. That makes it another basic incompatibility.