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Old 03-05-2013, 07:52 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,837
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Let me take the liberty of reframing your last paragraph....

Quote:
My main problem now is that all my bf and I do with this topic is exchange articles and forum pages to read. Yesterday he went to the library and then came home and did regular house stuff.

I feel lost and left alone to deal with all this and since I feel that the topic of polyamory is very fresh? I want us to talk about it!

I hoped that he would start the conversation. He did not.

WANTS
  • I still want help and his support digesting this material.
  • I wanted to reconnect after the time apart in general
  • I want reassure from him on the poly topic and how it may play out for us if we go there.
  • I want reassure on our love and commitment when it comes to poly.

NEEDS:
  • I feel alone. I need company. Preferably HIS company.
  • I feel under a burden of information and fears. I need to be free of these feelings of YUCK. If we could talk to air out, then my fears could lessen.

SOLUTIONS I HAVE TRIED SO FAR TO MEET MY OWN WANTS AND NEEDS:

I have not spoken up about my wants and needs for reassure from him.
He seems to be too busy with his own stuff. So hasn't noticed and/or has not "mind reader"-ed my need.

Not satisfying to me.

POSSIBLE NEW SOLUTION

1) I change my own behavior. I could speak up and tell him "I need some feedback, and some reconnect, comfort and reassure. Could you be willing to provide this? The reassure could come in the shape of written notes. It could come in the shape of "links to forum posts where people are polyshipping happily."


2) I keep my own behavior the same. I stay silent and keep hoping he will mind reader my wants and needs for comfort and reassure from him.
If that's where we are at? I'd go for 1. Speak up. You can't control his behavior but you are in charge of your own -- so open mouth and clue partner in to your current needs. Talk.

Galagirl
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