Originally Posted by hyperskeptic
I still have a lingering sense that she does not really like giving in to a boundary she regards as unreasonable. I've told her that, since it's my own understanding of my responsibilities that are at stake, I'll just try to be careful to avoid any further conflicts like that raised by going to the UK. If I think it's important for one of us to be available to the kids at all times, I'll just be sure I'm available whenever Vix is not.
She doesn't seem very happy with that, either, and suggests just communicating and negotiating, case-by-case.
I suppose that makes sense but, since my standards of responsibility to the children are more stringent than hers, wouldn't that just create more instances in which I'm imposing on her a standard with which she does not agree, more occasions for anger and resentment?
Probably the most reliable solution is to think of yourself as a single parent and assume that whenever "one of us" has to be with the kids, it will be you. Then, if it turns out that she happens to be available once in a while, bonus for you.
While not as serious as child-rearing, that's pretty much the approach my husband and I take with household chores. I hate mowing the lawn, my husband hates laundry. I assume that I'm always going to be responsible for the laundry. If I come home and he happens to have washed a load, bonus. If not, no big surprise and no hard feelings. And while he's not thrilled about it, my husband has learned not to expect short grass when he comes home from working out of town. I've threatened that if he expects me to mow the lawn, I'll just dig it all up and plant wildflowers. Besides, my cats like to pretend they're lions on the African Savannah...