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Old 03-05-2013, 06:26 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,797

Yeah BG nailed it unfortunately. Her reaction has everything to do with her and not at all with your reality. Time may help her get some perspective and realize you are the same person.

Dan Savage suggests giving parents freaking out about their son or daughter coming out as LBGT a year. Her reaction - down to the classic 'I don't know who you are anymore' - is very similar to if you had come out as gay/lesbian. I don't think it's a coincidence that you have come out as really, truly, for reals, bisexual. It's not theoretical, not 'fooling around' now. For some reason, some straight people understand fucking someone of the same sex but not being in an actual relationship. Anyway, back to Savage's suggestion, keep in touch, answer respectful questions, address fears. Be a bit more accepting of stupidity and ignorance than you otherwise might. If after a year, your friend is still this judgmental and disparaging, then that might the time to cut ties entirely or ramp the friendship way down. I hope this is not the outcome and she gets her shit together and remains the friend you so value.

Also I get why she was so supportive of your cheating friend. Cheating has an accepted place in our social narrative. It is easier to understand even as people don't condone it. It does not necessarily change who a person is, from an outsider's point of view. It is a far more accessible story of Wife A is miserable in relationship, she cheats (bad) but eventually leaves old relationship for new lover, they marry and carry on the usual monogamous life story (good). Wife B is happy in marriage but has bisexual tendencies, husband is ok with her exploring said tendencies (porn fantasy!) and Wife B finds a lovely women who she falls in love with. Husband still ok with this and they live happily ever after (with pauses for processing of course!). Wife B's narrative cannot be fit into a larger social narrative like Wife A's.
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