Poly Isn't For Me/Tired of Sharing My Wife
A little backstory. My wife and I have been together for 13 years and married for 9 of those. We have two children. When we first met, it was just the two of us as we were establishing our friendship before a relationship could begin. Around the same time, she met her now-girlfriend. I was alright with it, since it made her happy. I love our marriage. It's something we've both worked on because we both took our vows seriously.
Fast forward to 2013. I have two issues. Last year, I decided to give this poly thing a try, and her girlfriend became our girlfriend. Thus, the birth of a poly-fidel relationship. Over the past few weeks, I've realized a few things: 1) I'm not cut out for poly by any stretch. I tried it, and I will never do it again. I felt like I was cheating on my wife every time I was with her. I've asked my wife for forgiveness. I don't know if it's normal to feel guilt or to feel that way, but I know that I can't keep the relationship going. I'm ending it. She's falling in love with me, and I don't feel the same. 2) I'll never love another woman the way that I love my wife. She's the only woman that belongs in my heart. That's my reality, and there's no denying it.
Biggest issue at hand: I'm tired of sharing my wife. I've hidden it well due to wanting to keep my wife happy and knowing that she loves her girlfriend. The turning point started when our second child was born last year. Having to share those bonding moments immediately after the birth with her girlfriend bothered me for some reason. I started thinking, "This is the child she and I created from love, but there's a third person in here sharing in our joy." It didn't sit right wit me and secretly rubbed me wrong. She's beginning to feel like a third wheel, and I hate feeling that way. I don't know what to do about these feelings. I don't want to hurt my wife or force her to choose. Divorce is not even in my realm of thoughts. It's not at that level or even close. What's the best way to channel these feelings?
Recently, my wife was on a business trip, and I flew there to surprise her. Initially, I wanted to spend the week alone with her. Low and behold, her girlfriend showed up on the 13th. Well, I had already planned a getaway within the trip, so when her girlfriend showed up, it almost ruined it. My wife didn't say anything, but I think she wanted me to invite her girlfriend. I didn't because I wanted to spend some time alone with her without her being around. Truth be told, I don't feel bad for not inviting her. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be alone with somebody you love.
I know my relationship with the girlfriend is over and ending as soon as I get back home. I don't want to send an e-mail or break-up with her via Skype. She deserves better than that. I don't know what to do about the feelings regarding her feeling like a third wheel and my desire to no longer "share" my wife. Before anyone says it, yes, I knew my wife was poly in the beginning, but as we all know, people change. What you liked five years ago, may not be what you like today. I think I've just changed. All opinions and advice are welcome and needed. Thanks in advance.