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Old 03-04-2013, 10:29 PM
lemondrops lemondrops is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 14
Question

I really hope that no one minds, but as this thread is about fears, I would like to ask about a fear that has not been touched upon here yet, but maybe others have/have had it as well or maybe someone could help me get over it?

My fear is that in a poly relationship everyone feels like in a competition all the time and all nice acts are not based fully on love but fear. I'll give an example.

When A wants a cake and is at B's place at the time, then B might feel pressured into baking it, because hey, if B said "Oh, I'm not really in the mood for baking right now", then A could be all, "Oh, okay, but I want a cake, so do you want me to go to C's or D's place?" and then to avoid all this, B would just start making the cake out of fear that otherwise someone else would do it and A would just leave.

Another example. If A happens to spend time with C and wants to spend time cycling, then if C really wants to be with A at the time, C would feel pressured into going, because hey, otherwise A will just leave and cycle with whoever wants to cycle with him. In a mono relationship C would say that no, not interested in cycling now, but let's go tomorrow? and A would probably agree with it, as it is a compromise and both would be happy in the end.

Basically what I am trying to say is that in a poly relationship the one who needs or wants the other more at a certain time, suffers, because they would have to do things to have the other stay with them (because that's what they want) and not go to other partners because if they happen to have the possibility, why not use it? Basically that consideration for others would lessen and actions would become more important than with who they are being done.
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