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Old 03-04-2013, 09:42 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,580

Originally Posted by FatMouse View Post
Now he changed his speech, told me that he lied and came up with this, caught me off guard. I'm all conflicted and my mind is a mess because of this. I don't know what to do.
I heard a definition for "intimacy" at one point that I really liked. "Having the ability to hurt someone and not doing it". In a relationship setting this would be akin to telling my loved one something painful or humiliating to me, trusting that they would not post it on Face Book the next day, or bringing it up during an argument at some later date. I have given them something they can hurt me with and they (hopefully) have demonstrated that they will not hurt me with it - thus building intimacy between us.

Dishonesty is an intimacy killer (if we can continue to use the definition above). If I cannot depend on someone being honest with me then I am much less likely to share delicate issues with them. Will they hurt me with them? I don't know anymore.

It also sounds like you guys need to have an unambiguous conversation about how you would like this to play out. Be precise, don't make sweeping generalizations, and say what you actually mean. All of this guessing and hoping is going to end poorly.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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