Like I said before, he once told me he was okay with just me dating two people and that was it. Now he changed his speech, told me that he lied and came up with this, caught me off guard. I'm all conflicted and my mind is a mess because of this. I don't know what to do.
Of course you are confused an conflicted. He lied and broke trust. All the more reason to STOP and say NO. Give yourself the time you need to get calmer and get a handle on yourself. Then deal with you two getting to a more stable place also.
You guys have trust rebuilding to do. Who wants to be building new things on a shaky foundation?
That's not healthy.
He does not have
to understand it right now. (Be nice if he could get there though, I agree.)
Right now? He has to HEAR you and RESPECT YOUR LIMIT. You could state your position loud and clear:
"I am at my limit. I am not ready at this time. I am too stressed to take this on board right now. So the answer is NO. I do not have a time frame for when that might change, so treat it like a hard limit "No -- never, not like this with broken trust."
And he can either
a) Deal with the news, process his feelings, and treat you respectfully because he wants to Open again with your goodwill and your blessing. He could wait til time passes a bit and you can both approach this calmly and do the work to rebuild trust and prepare to Open again in a healthy way for him to be able to date.
b)Deal with the news, process his feelings, and treat you disrespectfully because he just wants this and does not care about doing it with your goodwill and blessing on board. He goes on to RUSH you to make decisions you do not want to make when you are stressed out.
Then YOU can choose the next choice:
a) He treats you well, consistently? You stay. You get comfortable. You grow more trust. You MIGHT change that to a soft limit. You might give it the green light. Only the passing of time and your trust in him will answer that. You can't know the end of the story before reading the book.
b) He treats you badly and without concern for your well being? You leave. It will hurt, but better get out of the line of fire than try to polyship with a person who doesn't care about his poly partners' well being.
Plain and simple, hon. Your stress level is telling you a MESSAGE. Listen rather than shut down. Or if you shut down, that's the big red alert that you are not just AT LIMIT here. You are BEYOND YOUR LIMIT. Put the brakes on.
Everyone has to hold their own emotional baggage. Let him be responsible for him. You be responsible for you. See if you can talk and sort it out.