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Old 01-06-2010, 06:47 AM
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Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Like I said…radical interpretation. If I made any assumption at all, it is that you are not a parent…yet, and the part of your post I was responding to was simply your assertion that you would not make a certain decision if you were a parent.
Indeed it is an assumption. At least quote what was said and not what you created. I simply stated it is not a decision I would make.

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Not sure why this was a necessary comment...I made no such assumptions.
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
In response to the assertion (from a currently non-parent) that they would (as a prediction in the present, about their own actions in the future) not make a certain decision if they were a parent...
You made an assumption as to the role children have in my life and the choices I have made in regards to them. Unless you're secretly my mother and can also tell me the color of the onesy I wore that night when I was 18 months, you have no knowledge of this and can only presume.

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
To paraphrase, I merely indicated the possibility that their decisions (any decisions, and the way they make them) might...operative word might…be very different to those that they would make now.
It was not a “suggestion”…it was just a suggestion. It’s a subset of the larger suggestion that I would make to anyone who considers themselves conscious and sentient…to go back to re-evaluate and reassess from time to time. Their decisions, their assumptions, everything about themselves. People change over time.
So you made an unnecessary universal statement? Just to make it. No purpose. People change. Like "fire burns." I see.
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Age, life events, education, relationships, society, our own development, all serve to affect us over time. Some events can change us in fundamental and significant ways. Puberty, developing the ability to think in abstract ways, passing into adulthood, the list is extensive. I have a hard time imagining anyone going too far wrong by doing some reassessments, soul-searching or what have you from time to time.
People change.
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Becoming a parent is one of those experiences capable of such change.
Similar to puberty, it can involve not only physical changes, but psychological, and physiological changes. There are chemical and hormonal devices to bond children to their parents, particularly the mothers. These devices, these bonds are natural, instinctual, base, a product of our evolution, and they sometimes defy the rational mind. Yes, parents can be a little crazy…especially the mothers. There is a reason you don’t mess with a bear cub in the mountains...because Mother Bear is a force of nature not to be trifled with, and fundamentally humans don’t differ a huge amount in this respect.
No mention of parents who are not biological? What of non-normative families where the parents are not there and it is other relatives who raise the children. Adoptive parents? And extended families where childcare is shared. Where do they fit? How do they bond?
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
As far as I’m concerned, this is one of those experiences that cannot be fully known to those who have not experienced it. It can change people in very fundamental ways. The way in which decisions are made can be significantly different than before hand. As such I believe it would be virtually impossible for anyone (short of inventing clairvoyance or Vulcan mind melds) to truly know or predict exactly what decisions they would make after such an event. I know I’ve made this transition, and there are many areas where my thinking and mindset have shifted dramatically. There are areas where my thoughts with regards to my children do not fit in the realm or reason, logic, or rational thought. And even while I understand that I have these thoughts as a parent, I also know that my wife’s experience is different on a level which I can never understand as another mother could.

This is what I’m talking about when I say that non-parents may be very surprised what decisions they will make and why, if and when they become parents. And that was all I was saying. It’s an experience like puberty, like losing a loved one to sickness, or another loved one to violence, being in a combat zone, being stranded in a survival situation, growing up on the streets of NYC...many others. These are situations where no one can be fully sure of their reactions until they are faced with it. They can prepare for it as much as they want, think it through, plan, read, research, whatever...but in the face of reality, the actual actions can…operative word can…be very different than the plan.
People change. Yes we know this. No points to be made at all it seems.

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Raven, If you believe that, and end up living that reality, more power to you. where did I say that decision would be different. If between your own will, your role models, and your own experience as a parent you decide to carry on your course in spite of the obstacles you would get nothing from me other than respect and admiration for that. The same respect and admiration I would give LR or RP for being true to themselves as parents.

However, I would bet that if you became a parent, …active, raising the kid in your home 24/7 parent, something about the way you make decisions will change. Seriously…if you make it to the kid’s 5th birthday, do your soul searching, and can’t find any decision you’ve made as a mother that you wouldn’t have made, or evaluated differently when you were not a mother, I’ll buy you dinner.
ImaginaryIllusion, interesting post saying many things that are generally known yet not addressing the topic of the rationale behind these choices that is not exclusive to poly parents. What are non-parents Imaginary? Do you wish to exclude them from discussions of children within poly situations?

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Last edited by Ravenesque; 01-06-2010 at 07:31 AM.
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