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Old 03-04-2013, 02:42 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Wellll, I thought that I might end up eating my words when I said I wouldn't (re)connect with new or old lovers until a month had passed since my breakup with Davis, and it turns out I was right. Hey, I love sex and so, when the opportunity for sex with awesome people arises and I have no reason not to go for it, I'm not inclined to turn it down.

Eddie and I spent an hour or so in his bed together last week -- he's one of my housemates, and we've been fwb's on and off for years. It was SO nice to do that with him again, relaxed and warm and intimate. We spent more time lying together naked and talking afterwards than we did actually having sex. That friendship is one of my absolute favorite friendships.

And then there was yesterday.

My roommates and I had a party at our place. Gia, Eric, and Dexter were among the guests (Helen was invited but couldn't make it). The idea of the party was to have drinks and play games before the monthly dance night we all go to. It went quite well, a good mix of people all enjoying each other's company. Gia and I finally did something we'd been talking about for a while -- she sat in a chair, in the middle of the living room amongst our friends, while I knelt at her feet and cleaned, oiled, and polished her shoes. It was a kink thing and a practical thing combined. We both *greatly* enjoyed the experience.

It took longer than we'd expected, though, and we missed about an hour of club-time. Eric went ahead without us, having come in a separate car. Almost more than the experience itself, I relished knowing that she didn't mind missing time at the club in order to do something special with me (this particular club night is very important to her, for a host of reasons, and normally she's loathe to miss out on any of it).

At the club I drank a little, danced a little, and then Gia mentioned that, if I'd like to see Helen get slapped (she knows I love face slapping), I could ask Eric to do it -- apparently he'd been hitting her all night (er, I know that might sound messed up if you're not a kinky person, but it was all completely consensual, trust me). I thought to myself that what I'd really like was for him to slap *me* (then why didn't I just ASK, oh yeah, fear of rejection, sigh), but, nonetheless, I went over to where they were, in a little back corner on a couch with some other friends, and made the request... I did actually quite want to see it.

I should preface all this by mentioning that, from a post Gia made on her blog a couple of weeks ago, I know that both she and Eric have determined that, while they don't want to change the very casual and undefined nature of either relationship, they're in love with their new OSO's -- she with Dexter, he with Helen.

I was only a little surprised, it'd already been clear for some time that they both like them quite a lot. I was VERY glad that I'd finally stepped up and told Eric that I loved him before reading that, I think it would have been awful to know that he loved her if I'd never confessed my feelings to him. As it was, I accepted it with more equanimity than I would have expected.

Anyway. I wasn't prepared for what faced me when I reached Eric and Helen. It quickly became clear they've moved from having a hint of D/s in their interactions to a full-blown Dom/sub relationship paradigm, and that they were taking advantage of the atmosphere of the club to show it off proudly. At my request, Eric did indeed slap her. He also pulled down her jeans to show me some sizable bruises on her ass, ordered her around, called her a "good girl". She seemed to be in a daze of happiness.

I was, on the one hand, veeery much enjoying the spectacle and, on the other hand, jealous and ill at ease to see her, loved by the man I've long wanted to love me, getting what I've always wanted to get from someone with whom I'm in a loving relationship.

While Gia and I are exploring kink, we still haven't gotten to quite the level of easy power exchange that the two of them were exhibiting, largely because she's still hesitant to take charge in such a complete way. While Harry would have been happy to play that role for me, I didn't love him, and didn't want to go there with him. While Davis and I have lots of fun kinky aspects to our sexual dynamic, neither of us have ever wanted to take it into the rest of our relationship. And so, while kink has been in my life for a long time, it hasn't yet played out for me in the way I was seeing unfold before me.

Still, I was holding it together fine until Gia came up and smacked Helen lightly on the ass. Being in a relationship with him as well as her, and getting co-dommed by them, has long been THE thing that I've wanted most and have reconciled myself to not having. It was just a little thing, a quick smack. It didn't cut me the way seeing Eric fondle Gia had cut me the week before, but the feeling of unease increased. I decided it would be better to get myself out of the situation.

I left the club and walked quickly away in a random direction. It's hard to describe the state I was in. I was calm, on the one hand. There was nothing in me that was deeply and desperately keening -- I've been in that sort of state before and this was definitely not that -- I felt a bit off balance but I was really ok. On the other hand, I wanted some release, I wanted to get my feelings out, I wanted to purge the lingering resentment and sadness and jealousy.

So I kicked things as I walked, I punched a wall, I cursed, I found a quiet corner of a park and curled up on a bench and yelled at the sky. To anyone watching, it would have looked as if I were going through something much more dramatic than what I actually felt. But, for whatever reason, it was what I needed. I walked back feeling stronger, bigger, and better than I did when I'd gotten to the club, if perhaps still a little wired and weird.

(splitting this into two posts because it's too long)
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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