Originally Posted by ValerieAOK
Why not? What's the big difference between someone married and single anyway?
Well, the fact that people did not want to date you when they knew you were married, but might when you're hiding a partner (which, by the way, is called cheating. You can cheat on new partners by hiding an existing partner, it's not only the other way around) does mean there is a difference for THEM. And since it's all about their consent, it does matter what they think.
You say it's not hurting anyone, and then use the example of your husband lying to you... and point out how much it hurt you. Can you really not see the contradiction there?
It makes a difference because even for a casual hookup, if you pretend to be single, and presumably monogamous at least de facto, any girl you end up with might be under the impression that it might get serious, that she might because your long-term girlfriend, or your wife. Lots of serious relationships start as casual things.
But it will make a difference to them if you already have a spouse, because they might not be fine with polyamory. And even though you say you want something casual, many people who are willing to go for something casual would not be willing to do the same if they had the certainty nothing would come out of it.
And those who would will still date you just the same if you're honest about being married.
In other words, the only people you're going to attract that you wouldn't attract by being honest are the people who have a problem with your being married, which means they're the people for whom it makes a difference whether you are married or not, which means they are the people who will get hurt by your lie.