If you have a partner, does that mean you never need a day to yourself?
If you have two best friends, does that mean you never need to hang with just one of them?
If you have a child, does that mean you never need a day when you can drop them with a sitter and just chill with your co-parent?
If you have two partners, does that mean you never need time with just one of them?
"As for getting alone time with him, she said if that needed then what is the point of her being here."
That is nonsensical. See my comparisons above.
"I told her me and him need to be strong for our trio to work."
You are correct.
"I have told them I don't want a date or a whole day without her. I would be happy with a 30 min drive. But she gets upset cause he don't ask her to run to the store with him."
That is extremely unrealistic and unhealthy on her part. A date should be a reasonable request.
"I have lay in down of that I need from all this. He dose want to get alone time with me but if she going to freak out then he don't want to upset her."
That's not cool of him. Why do her needs take precedence over yours and his? She needs to learn not to "freak out" if something upsets her.
"So I think I need to be less bitchy and bossy of things."
I disagree. You're entirely in the right here. I would go INSANE if one of my partners insisted that they had to be by my side at all times. I need me-time, alone with myself, because if I'm not centered and happy with myself, I can't be happy with my partner. Similarly, each couple within your triad needs time to itself -- you with him, her with him, you and she with each other. What's so upsetting about that that it causes her to freak out?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.