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Old 03-03-2013, 06:40 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,833

In this particular case, if she "agreed" to date him AFTER he clearly informed her that he was already in a relationship ("he told her of our lifestyle") then I think that consent was given. (Unless there is some other part of the story that you haven't told us - like he has some OTHER pressure to hold over her, like he is her boss at work or something.)

I would take her "I don't know about getting involved in something like that." as expressing her doubts as to the WISDOM of getting involved in something new (like poly). I'm sure that PLENTY of people have agreed to date someone that they were uncertain about (I'm not one of them, but I assume it happens) and probably a certain percentage of those turn out fine.

If she is a.) above the age of consent, b.) fully informed as to the situation, c.) cognitively able to to assess the pro-and-cons and d.) not beholden to him in any OTHER way that you haven't told us (i.e. he could have her fired)...THEN, well she is free to be convinced by his arguments and make her own mistakes as a grown adult. NOW, whether pushing her with 4-5 calls a day and 20-30 texts was excessive on his part, to "convince her" - actually, yes, I think it was. And the fact that she required that much "convincing" might mean that she was very, very close to "No" - but the fact remains that she didn't HAVE to answer his calls or response to his texts, maybe she WAS playing "hard to get" (a stance I don't understand but is taught to many girls from a young age - who learn to measure their own desirability based on how assiduously men pursue them).

Will this end happily? No, probably not (and that is speaking statistically, regardless of the details). But it will be a learning experience for both of them, hopefully they will do it better the next time. (He won't be so eager to pursue reluctant dating partners and she will learn to say what she means and stick to it.)

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 03-03-2013 at 06:47 AM.
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