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You might be interested in reading this thread
. As it may relate to some of what you are describing.
Originally Posted by SEcondary
When she told me she had fallen in love and it had to happened again I felt peace and calm come over me. Not what I expected.
I've known for years that sex with someone else was a lot better for her and I love that. I also find it a turn on that she actually needs to be in love with someone else. Shes been in a 3 year relationship now and awhile ago they told each other they feel close. My wife loves him alot but they have not told each other they love one another.
... when they make love they are in bed for two hours most of the time. Making love and talking. I sometimes get real aroused thinking she might love him more than me.
Wonder if some men are wired to be secondary when it comes to sex and love?
I don't know that it is the same thing but ... my husband, loves me... a LOT. But he doesn't often want sex.
I think, at this point, he feels relieved that I am getting those needs met with Dude (my boyfriend). He loves seeing me all happy and sexually satisfied even though it wasn't him, directly, that was the cause. (Although, ultimately, the reason that I am able to "have my cake and eat it too" is because MrS is the man that he is...I would never have given up what I had with him to pursue Dude - luckily, in the end, I didn't have to.)
My husband seems perfectly happy to be "secondary" on the sex front...the "love" front however? Hmmm...I don't think so on that one, for us. Although he is fine with the fact that I love Dude TOO (he is the one that pointed it out to me, after all, and told me that it was "okay", that there was nothing wrong with feeling that way, when I was having my doubting/questioning time.) "More" though? - THAT might raise flags. (Actually, I don't know that it is possible for me to love someone "more" than I love my husband..."differently" perhaps, but "more" is a question-begging term.)
People are different, however...so, whatever floats YOUR boat is fine - especially if everyone else's boat is floating too