Needing some help in dealing with this
Hello. I'm new to the forum and also sort of new to this whole thing.
I'm currently in a relationship with two guys who I love to pieces. My first relationship lasted nearly 5 years ago, the second started around September last year.
My first mate confessed he was into this. I wasn't very content at first, but I was having a hard time. The guy who ended up being my second mate now, he's been a really close friend for many years. I fell for him hard a long time ago and kept it to myself for many reasons, one of them was because I was taken.
I reached a point in where I started to feel very depressed over it. I loved them both, but it was painful as hell for me to make a decision. My first mate, then, told me that I knew what his views were, implying I could still ask my friend out. We all had a group conversation and, in the end, I accepted the proposition. My friend, surprisingly, was open minded enough to accept as well.
Now here's the thing. My first mate brought something up last night. He mentioned something about having a girl who maybe (keyword: maybe) has a crush on him. This lead to a conversation about what if someone fell for him and what he should do. It didn't go anywhere because we just talked about the possibility, there was no yes or no (yet).
This possibility kinda bugs me. I don't know if I'm okay seeing my mate getting intimate with someone else... but at the same time, I feel it's unfair not to allow him, when he has allowed me to date my friend. Two people have agreed with this too.
I'm not used at all to this sort of relationship, so I can't help but feeling that I've failed at something if he's considering dating other people when the chance appears. I can't help but feeling that he might find someone who provides what I can't provide, which would lead him to like me less. I appreciate the fact that he talks to me about this, but the whole talk makes me feel inferior, insecure, unloved, sad.
I also tend to be very jealous... I don't know how that'd work. I don't know if I'd be able to control my anger if he says "I love you" to some other girl. At the same time, I love him to death, so I don't think I want to leave him and become monogamous again. The thought of that depresses me.
I need advice. I don't know what to think about all this.
Note: I am NOT mad at my mate at all. I appreciate his honesty and the fact that we can communicate so well. I am just a very insecure person with a number of issues who was used to a certain lifestyle. I just need help in how to deal with this... new thing.