Originally Posted by WhatHappened
Even though I've been seeing a poly man for 15 months now, I'd be interested to hear what kind of commitment you envision offering, and what commitment in a poly relationship means to you, and what you told her about how that differs from friends with benefits.
Also, although BF sees himself as being 'committed' to me, I don't see him as being in any way committed to me, for a few reasons: he's not going to pay my bills if I get sick. He's unlikely to be here with me in my old age. He's not going to share his retirement with me. He's not going to help me with my children.
And here's a big one: If he gets offered a promotion or transfer that requires moving away, he and his wife are going...together. He's not taking me and my kids, and I don't expect he'd turn it down to stay here with me.
So, what does commitment mean to you when you tell a woman you can be in a committed relationship with her while seeing other people, that it's not just friends with benefits?
I can't speak for MoD or your boyfriend but I can address that from MY standpoint - a lot of the things that you bring up here ARE part of what I see as part of the committed relationship that I am offering to my boyfriend when it comes to being in a relationship with a married woman:
- Mutual Financial support
- Being there in Old Age
- Sharing Retirement
- Moving Together if job requires (although I don't anticipate this)
- (we don't have kids so that doesn't apply - but if we did, they would be part of this as well)
Now, these are not things that I offered him as automatically happening when we started seeing each other (asking someone out/ exploring your attraction is not a proposal of life-time commitment). BUT, I was offering that our relationship COULD grow and evolve to that level (which it has been) if that is the direction things went.
As far as I can see, the only things that I CAN'T offer him (which would probably be expected in a long-term committed mono relationship as opposed to poly relationship):
- Legal Marriage
So, for me, commitment in poly doesn't mean anything too much different than it does in mono - aside from the obvious (i.e. not "forsaking all others").