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Old 03-01-2013, 11:11 PM
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naturalblue naturalblue is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Long Beach, CA
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Originally Posted by learninginTN View Post

I keep re-iterating my points that I'm not having my needs met. She claims that's not her job.
Hi TN, I've been following your post for a while but haven't spoken up until now. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I can't imagine how painful it is for you.

This line, in particular, though is alarming to me. Not her job? As you said, "au contrair!" It absolutely IS her job as your wife! When she married you, I would imagine her vows were not "until she got tired of doing it and would rather be with someone else". I happen to agree with the thinking that when you marry someone, not only are you promising to love them for the rest of your life, you're also promising to either fuck them or make sure that their sexual needs are taken care of otherwise for the rest of your life. You have been a saint up to now, putting up with her blatant disrespect towards both you and your marriage. I know you've said that you have a breaking point but you just haven't hit it yet and I have to commend you, because mine would have been a while ago. But have you thought about what your breaking point might actually be? It may help you to have a clear idea in your mind of what is too far.

There is a difference between being caught up in NRE and actively trying to trash your marriage in favor of a new relationship. I actually just recently posted about my own concern about the NRE in my relationship with my new boyfriend and how I wanted to make sure it didn't adversely affect my marriage - and that's because I still WANT my marriage. She does not give any indication in either word or deed that she still wants her marriage and in fact has been doing the opposite.

I think that you likely feel that you have to stick it out to the bitter, butt clenching end and I understand that. I know I always want to make sure I don't have any "what-if's" when ending a relationship, however from my outsider perspective here, I don't know what else you could possibly do to save your relationship with her as she pretty clearly does not want to do the same.

I would not presume to tell someone what to do in their relationship, however I would suggest that you think about what YOU need and whether she is able and willing to give that to you. YOU need to have your needs met, both emotionally and sexually. YOU need her to put in more face time with you and your family, etc. Then, if she is not willing or able to provide these things, you should maybe ask yourself if you can honestly continue in a relationship where you are asked to give so much and expected to accept so little.
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