View Single Post
Old 03-01-2013, 05:15 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,089

My wife communicated to me she felt like they were young and hot and indeed said she was afraid of being rejected by them, so to request a meeting might up the seriousness too much. She has a suspicion I'm requesting to meet them in order to 'screw her out' of her experience. This is certainly not the case. I look forward to knowing and liking this couple.
Well, you might not like them. You might like them. I think laying eyes on them helps you put down some anxiety/fear about them being weirdos. Your wife is precious to you, so you want to lay eyes on them to try to put some of the anxiety/fear down that they could treat her poorly. There is no GUARANTEE in anything in life but it could help you. Maybe explain to her that way? Dealing with "Fear of the unknown weirdo" is one of my biggest ughs.

Have you guys made the time/space to talk about loss?

Because while part of you could be like "Great! I'm ready!" the other part of you that is "Argh! It comes at a price tag! Now it is NOT just me and her!" may need some air time to feel better.

It could sound obvious that if you are Open, you are no longer CLOSED. But maybe that needs to be articulated, acknowledged together and mourned together a bit even if you both are reaching out toward Open because you both want to be there.

Like "Yes. This is a milestone in our journey together. This era of our shared time is now past. We are entering a new era now. I'm in it with ya, but yeah. CHANGES. Whoa. We will never be the same."

Could that be it? You are stage 4 of the stages of grief? Kinda skipped the 1-3 front chunk because there you both chose to tread willingly so there's not shock, denial, anger, etc. But you still have to digest on through the rest of the way?

It's ok to feel weird. The "new normal" is going to feel weird until it is the "old normal." Could try to focus on what you have and not focus on what you do not have. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you need to feel.

Sun is sun. Rain is rain. Emotion is emotion. Internal weather just IS. Do your best to let it blow on through in appropriate ways. Cheesy at it sounds, you only get rainbows after rain. Y'all are chasing the Open Rainbow. Figures you have to get through some rain to get there. You will be ok. Do what you need to do for self care while you weather it out.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-01-2013 at 05:30 AM.
Reply With Quote