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Old 02-28-2013, 07:28 PM
Wants2BEqual Wants2BEqual is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 41
Default Letting go

Thanks galagirl
Your guideposts are very helpful
I am willing but I am not joyful
I cannot say this has been healthy for anyone and I have no idea how to make it so
He went to see a therapist last nite....
Before he went I asked him to look inside and think about letting go ...of his dream of sharing a life with her and I. She has already admitted she is accommodating and has disdain for me. Even if I could find joy in the new situation I could never forget that a person has compromised themself and I'm party to it.
I told him I was willing to try but that it would not make me happy from a soulful place--not joyful as you say. I looked at him strongly and asked if he would really want me in a relationship where I was not happy- would he knowingly ask to be part of it.

He took notes. He said that she thinks I set out to take her husband. This further concretes why there could be no joy as she seemed to have forgotten she is the one who invited me to play in the first place, and who at one point, counted and leaned on me for emotional support. Now I am not only the bad guy but being asked once again to work with her to solve this.

He went to the therapist and I went out for dinner and wine. I met some nice ppl and got home 1 hour after him. He was livid that I didn't leave a note. He said he had dropped something at her house after the therapist and he had left her crying in order to get back to me on time. We had our first in person fight..we made up in the morning he apologized and I assume well talk tonite about next steps.

I know what is right but he is fighting hard to not let go of me

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I cannot say it better then Student of Life. You are responsible for your own well being after giving it a go. You gave it a go. You have to come to terms and evaluate now. Result it THUS. What could I choose next for my next behavior?

So now you wish to choose.... what? If this is NOT where you want to be? Could choose not to be there then. In the interejst of your own best healths.

It can FEEL all kinds of hard and upsetting. But your conduct? It could be real simple if you choose to keep things simple when determining your next behavior choice:
  • Am I willing to try?
  • Am I doing this with joyful spirit?
  • Is this healthy for me to be doing? And healthy for those around me?
  • Does this meet all three? (Because one could be willing, but not joyful in spirit or engaging in healthy things)

Then you know what you could do. That does not go against your well being. ALL of your well being.

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