Originally Posted by GalaGirl
But for me? It's better for my OWN mental health to let the other guy hold their own emotional baggage and not assume or take on THEIR baggage for myself unbidden or unwilling.
... but honestly? I won't deal in people who try to shoosh baggage on me. So... I just am fine letting it ... LAY THERE on the floor. Oh, lookie that. Some baggage. Thanks. I noticed it laying there.
Yep. My eyes and ears are functional. I am aware. Thanks for pointing it out there on the rug.
Ah, so actually not so different...(I love these conversations with you, by the way). In my "not-personal-relationship" life (work/friends/bio-family) - I can actually see that this what I do. I don't feel responsible for other people's emotional baggage - even though they vomit it up on me all day long. I glance over it, see what it consists of and then say - "OK, I hope you feel better now that you puked all that up out of your system. Now, is there anything I can do to help you, specifically, today?" I can help them evaluate their baggage, help them sort through the vomitous mass - but at the end of the day it is still their baggage, NOT mine.
In my "personal/romantic" life, however - I really prefer for my partners to pre-sort their baggage, because at least some of that baggage may relate to me personally (things I said or did, expectations they have, needs/wants they need to express) - my default setting seems to be that if a partner is coming to me with something it is because it DOES involve me (otherwise they would have turned to each other/other friends - because they know I am tired of looking at baggage all day long), and if that is the case then I want a clear request as to what is expected of me - and if I don't hear that, then I am likely to feel agitated and insecure.
(This, I think, also relates to the concept of teaching people how to be in relationships with us.)