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Old 01-05-2010, 10:33 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
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Default continued...

Just the other day, someone told me that they couldn't be poly because they're not promiscuous. I spent some time explaining that being promiscuous isn't the definition of what it is to be poly. Sure there could be poly people who are promiscuous and proud of it. (There are lots of monogamous people who are as well). But I won't say that I'm not one of THEM because I'm not promiscuous. I'm just going to say that we both practice it a different way.
Great way to handle it. Personally-I've never encountered that type of conversation. Mostly because of where I live. It's a completely different environment and attitude here. I agree with your methodology-I don't DENY being poly-I just don't offer the word as decription to people who don't understand it anyway.
I wonder how many words that describe identity truly have an agreed upon meaning across cultures.
At this point I'm not trying to do much "across cultures". Alaska is so isolated, it's a matter of effecting people in this culture. And using words that have an agreed upon meaning is the only way to have a productive conversation. Otherwise its' like speaking French to a Russian. Why bother? Better in my mind to speak to someone in the language they already speak and work towards communication which will allow you to understand one another-THEN work to teach them your language.

My issue is-that if there isn't an agreed upon language FOR polyamorists-then what would you teach AFTER you reach understanding one another?

By saying I love two men in a secure healthy loving relationship but I don't identify as poly because I'm not promiscuous like those poly people (this is just an example) I am promoting the idea that identifying as poly means being promiscuous. In such, I'm actively working against the clear definition that already exists.
In my mind that would be flat rude. Among other things including promoting incorrect assumptions, biases and prejudices.
Not something that would ever come out of my mouth.
THAT my friend is exactly what got me riled up!

I feel like that was exactly what I was being told I WAS doing in real life simply because I said I don't choose to use the word polyamory as a self-identifier.
But it's NOT what I would do, have done or ever will do. I would never make such a statement because it is in and of itself prejudiced.

So maybe the answer lies in recognizing that just because I have a different FIRST priority doesn't mean I don't still hold myself to a high level or responsibility to my "peers".
Instead of assuming the worst case scenario-just saying "have you considered how this might/could promote prejudice" and "if so what are your thoughts on how to avoid that while still upholding your principles on protecting your children as a first priority".

Opposed to telling me that my choice to protect my children first WILL promote prejudice????
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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