I feel very fortunate that I have never had to date anyone in "the real world". The last time I dated anyone new, was shortly after graduating High School. My best friend from school! How I came to date someone whom I had always had a crush on, but never thought would date me, involves some atypical trauma and abuse from the people I knew during the time.
I only seriously dated two boys in High School. They had the same name, but for anonymity I'll call them John1 and John2.
John1 was a charmer with green eyes and dark curly hair. He was a bit of a loner, and he randomly meet me in the hallway after school and just asked me out on a date. I was in 10th grade, he was in 11th, and really I only said yes because he asked me. We went out for four months. He seemed to actually like who I was and included me in with all his friends (the most social interaction I had ever had). I even ended up having sex with him, to all the public knowledge this was me losing my virginity, and I was more happy at not having to pretend to be a virgin anymore than having sex with him. Honestly I figured even if we did ever break up I wouldn't regret having sex with him. He decided to dump me a few weeks after we had sex, right on Valentine's Day which was a bit hurtful. Then he asked out the only real girl friend I had which was double hurtful, because I lost a great friend and a guy I actually thought I could really like.
So that left me completely isolated. I was back to no having no friends because of that. I only started making friends since I was about twelve, to suddenly go back to having no friends was much more difficult than I would have thought. I got used to having people to talk too. That is when I met John2. He was also in 11th grade, and we also meet randomly in the hallway. My first reaction of him was that he wasn't trustworthy, but I had no one else to talk too. So when he asked me out on a date, even though my gut said no, I said yes. We had a nice first date so I decided to give him a chance to be my boyfriend. In the first week we were together I had sex with him, it was stupid and totally on me. I was horny and from being so lonely at school I just wanted to feel someone. We dated until after I graduated High School, at least two years. I dumped him after long considering it because he had some very violent tendencies. At the time I felt bad for him, he had some disadvantages growing up and I thought if he could've just dealt with his anger issues we might've been able to be friends or something. But he started being violent towards me and I left.
But John2's violence with me wasn't done and it reached a level I did not anticipate. I broke up with him because I was scared he might really hurt me. He never got physical with me, but had started to get very verbally abusive. At this time I had also restarted a friendship with John1, because I thought we could be friends. Only a few weeks after I had broken up with John2 he asked if I would come over to his family's house for dinner. I had gotten to know his family over the two years we were together and I got the impression they were the ones who wanted to see me (plausible at the time).
But I was tricked. When I got to John2's house it was just him there. He tried to invite me inside, but since I could see no one else was there I said no and said I was leaving. John2 got upset and told me to stay but I turned my back to leave, I was outside on the entryway steps. When I turned around he attacked me, dragged me inside the house, where we then struggled inside the house. I didn't stand a chance, he was a big man who had training as a security guard. Somehow He ended up slamming my body against the stairs inside and I blacked out from my head hitting a stair. I was only somewhat aware, and unable to do anything, while he dragged me up to his room where he raped me. I had the most vivid hallucination. It had been four years since I had seen or contacted BB, but right then and there I hallucinated that he walked into the room, picked me up, and took part of me out of there while John2 was raping me. BB told me that I would be ok, that I was strong and beautiful and I would be ok. For a while it just seemed like I was in BB's arms safe and warm. Then BB told me to wake up.
I did wake up. Saw John2 and heard his apologies and asking me to forgive him and blah blah, that was why I was leaving he was trying to trap me in a cycle of abuse. I got dressed, not saying anything I left the house very calmly and got in my car to drive away. To be honest my head wasn't right, it didn't seem like I could see clearly and in hindsight I know my head trauma kept me from thinking clearly. The only thing I could think of, was going to John1's house. I was planning on seeing John1 later that week, and it was the only course of action I could think of. I thought I would go there and ask John1 what I should do based on what just happened. I traveled almost an hour away to John1's house, his parents and family were home with him. I told them all everything that had just happened with John2, and then I asked them if we would call the cops or something (if only my head had thought of this earlier).
This is the worst part, they said no. John1 said I should not call the police because my head was hurt and no one would believe me so I should just forget it. Why did these people say that? Well, they were pot smokers and apparently had drugs in the house and were known to the police as being dealers, so they were too damn selfish to help me in my hour of need. They convinced me to stay there, not call anyone, and get over it. They also gave me pot and drugs and put me to bed with my HEAD INJURY. I never used drugs, but I wasn't in my right mind to protect myself. But stayng with John1 and family was safer than staying in my dorm room.
Side track: The first day I meet my dorm roommate she told me we should not be friends, because she was already popular on campus and wouldn't have a first year tarnish her reputation. But I got desperate from being around John1's house and left to visit my dorm, hoping I could reason with my roommate to let me stay peacefully in the dorm. I had only ever spent a few nights there and my roommate was always hassling me and telling me to go away. For reasons I can't comprehend my dorm roommate put drugs in my water bottle while I was out of the room for a minute. I know I was drugged because the water tasted awful, I only swallowed a little bit, then I threw the bottle away. My creepy roommate and her posse watching my every move.
Back on track: It might have been LSD because I hallucinated for three days straight, before I lost all sense of reality (in the first hour after drinking the awful water) I called John1 and asked him to take me to his house again. While I was there they tried me to convince me that I imagined the whole attack and rape because I was a drug addict. No. They also took advantage of me and I ended giving them all my savings from my bank account. Since I "owed them" for room and board for taking care of me in my troubled time. So after I was beaten, raped, and traumatized I got used by selfish drug addicts to help them fuel their drug habits.
The person who saved me from them and my dorm was Ave. I haven't talked about him at all in this post! My best friend through High School, we only meet when he and I were in the 11th grade. If only we had been friends one year earlier maybe none of this awful sh*t would have happened to me. At the time my parents had kicked me out of the house, because in their mind they were helping my social development by forcing me to live in a college dorm. My dorm frightened me so I didn't sleep there, I had even slept outside in the middle of MN winter rather than sleep in that dorm. Ave didn't want me sleeping outside anymore and when he discovered what John1 and family were doing he invited me to stay at his house for the Thanksgiving Holiday, November 2002.
Enough horrible stuff, next time I will post how Ave saved me and became my sweetheart!
Your task is to acknowledge to yourself and others that every part of you has a right to exist.