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Old 02-27-2013, 01:26 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
C and I have some mutual friends, one of whom approached him recently with "Can I ask a personal question? Oh no, I shouldn't," and then didn't. She had also asked whether he stays with my family when he is in my town, so we think she is suspicious that we are having an affair. I don't mind telling friends about being poly, and have told several, but we both have the concern that people who know us and haven't been told will assume we are sneaking around. We try to be discreet in public, but someone who barely knows either of us asked at a dance if we had done our hair similarly on purpose. "I know you're buddies," he said. Maybe we're not discreet enough? Or maybe he just meant buddies.
Wow, I can never let someone open with that and then not actually ask the question. I'll pester relentlessly until they get it over with.

Discretion is challenging. You can try to control your body language and think you're doing a good job, but unless you're a sociopath, you're inevitably going to leave tell-tale signs. It's pretty much impossible to be in a room with someone you love, and not allow the entire room to get a sense of that.

Of course, it's your decision whether to officially tell people. If they've already guessed that "something is up," it might not hurt to clear things up so they don't think of you as a cheater. But given that your husband isn't 100% on board, it might not play out well. In our culture, sadly, cheating is so prevalent that people pretty much just shake their head and mind their own business. Not that that will stop them from gossiping about it to anyone who will listen. Ok, scratch that "mind their own business" bit. Everyone will know you're having an affair, except you. I don't think there's anything you can do about that, so just ignore it and carry on with your life. They're merely acquaintances for a reason; if you really cared about their opinions, they'd be friends.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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