Im new here so please view this as just my two cents, not advice.
I have read this thread from the beginning. You have really been through an emotional journey with this, and I'm sorry because it sounds like it has hurt a lot.
My question is where is your love for yourself? Clearly you love him, perhaps more than is healthy for you. I can see that he loves himself. He hasn't let go of having things just the way he wants. He's still spinning, trying to find a way to manipulate reality so he can. He needs to acknowledge that THIS DIDN"T WORK and he can either go be with his wife, and leave you in peace, or be with you and let his wife go. This man's insistence that he have exactly what he wants has dragged all three of you through the mire for years. Admittedly, you and his wife let yourself be dragged.
His wife loves him, but does not love you. He loves his wife, and he loves you also, but his love is damaging to both of you. Let me re-phrase that...I think his absolute inablity to accept that this time he can't have what he wants is damaging to all 3 of you. Most people his age have learned that you don't always get what you want. Ethical people don't do damage to those they claim to love for years, trying to force reality into their little view.
You have to take care of yourself now. Admit this is no good for you, no matter how much you love him. You aren't going to live forever. Don't waste any more of your precious time. I'm sorry if this sounded harsh. I wish you all the best.