View Single Post
Old 01-05-2010, 08:24 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I can comprehend intellectually the way it feels to have my leg amputated, but unless my leg is ACTUALLY amputated-it's only conceptual.
While it's GOOD for me to work on conceptual understanding of things I don't personally experience, it's unfair to those truly suffering the experience and somewhat egotistical for me to tell someone I DO understand what they experience if I in fact haven't ever been through their situation.
EVEN if I have been through having my leg amputated, I STILL don't know exactly what THEY are going through-because I am not them. I don't have their mind, their life experience etc and therefore I don't feel exactly what they feel.
I specifically said earlier in this thread that I certainly cannot understand the EXPERIENCE of having a child. I was speaking to the issues that surround having a child and the presumption that any of us who are looking at this from outside are ignorant of such issues. It has been repeatedly acknowledged in this thread that having a child to protect when dealing with all these issues is incredibly important. And while it may not be right for you as a parent to be all activist about it, I can certainly point to other parents for whom it was very right to be an activist, as a way to protect their children. But it has been REPEATEDLY said in this that BOTH choices are valid.

When someone with no children lectures me on my decision making-that to me is belittling. They are assuming that they know what is best in my situation, despite having no experience in my situation.

Further that to someone who doesn't even KNOW me OR my children-and it comes across as highly arrogant and presumptive.
I apologize if speaking of the effect that your decisions have on others is lecturing. I don't think anyone was speaking about questioning that what you're doing is best for your children.

I will say, however, that as a teacher who has worked directly with social services in more than a few occasions, there certainly ARE times when a parent needs to be questioned for the sake of the well being of the child. Nobody was suggesting this in any of the cases in this thread.

When that is then furthered by them suggesting that I don't do enough in the way of fighting against prejudice simply because I don't personally claim a specified term to describe my situation-that leaves me disgusted.

WHY is it wrong for me to not describe myself as poly if I AM openly letting people know that I DO have a husband and boyfriend, that we DO live together and raise our children together AND I am actively out there fighting against prejudice for ALL groups that I can in our area AND I have openly supported and befriended people in those groups, including transexual, bi, gay, lesbian, black, AK native etc?
Nobody was suggesting that you HAVE to fight or be activists or even openly use the specific word poly. All I've been addressing is that certain choices (for whatever VALID reasons they are made) further contribute to prejudices that are being experienced by others.

There seems to be an attitude on here that if we aren't all Marines, we're the enemy. Besides raising my eyebrow-that offends me as I know it's not true.
Clearly our viewpoints are causing us to see different attitudes then. I don't see this attitude you describe. I do, however see an attitude that people who choose to be activists or even openly sex-positive are somehow couched in theory and aren't in touch with the day to day realities of having a poly family.

I'm willing to bet neither of these views is actually what's happening.

However, the prejudice is certainly very real. I don't see finding a solution that helps EVERYONE if we continue to either ignore this prejudice or say that prejudice is ok as long as there's a kid to protect.

I honestly don't think people who are choosing not to take up arms are saying prejudice is ok and as I and others have said repeatedly in this thread, it's a VALID CHOICE to not take up arms. But it is completely fair to question the active rejection of other people's poly life by choosing to disassociate and to discuss the prejudice that produces.
Reply With Quote