- this one feels mostly on me, like I should re-frame this to myself, like I am the one who is working and taking up that time I should work harder to make time that fits her schedule.
Hrm. I think this is more a LIMIT.
You have a hard limit to contend with -- your work schedule. It is what it is if you cannot do anything about that right now. If she is in relationship with you, she has it also.
Could ask her if she's still willing to share HER time and deal with the limits of your work schedule.
Is this (like army) a temporary thing? Will your job be changing in schedule later down the road?
I should not be holding the needs of life against her. My emotions do not mold themselves to my decisions unfortunately.
The needs of life are limits. Time, work schedules, money, etc. You do not hold them "against" her -- but you and she both, if in relationship, are held accountable to them.
You can't monster spend more than what you have and be ok. You'd face monster debt.
You cannot change when your off hours are from work. They are what they are. If you are not able to change jobs, goofing off your work schedule could get your fired. You can't call in sick just to date her at another hour of the day. You only have so many sick days. what if you get sick? That's not a good solution.
At this time, THIS is your job. THIS your time off. THIS is the space you have to work with to have the relationship IN. Could she be willing to work with you on time management to share time? Or not willing? Could ask her.
Usually, K is rather adept at dealing with my blunt communicative style, however living with her parents recently has required her to regain skill in interpreting speech to understand them and make them happy. She will be taking my words out of context before either of us knows it and then #1 comes into play as the emotions run their course.
That is perceptive. Are you aggressive or assertive in your style? You do not seem passive or passive aggressive in your style. If aggressive, could tone it down. If assertive, just let it be. She could learn to not assume, and if she must assume? Could assume positive intent then when talking to you. Keep trying to clarify. That could serve you as you "recalibrate" from the time she was with the family.
3. It is hard to come to terms with what my needs really are, much less communicate them expertly. I am feeling a very lonely emotion, something to do with sadness or something. There is also a lack of physical closeness which we have been struggling with since I got out of the army. This really bothers me more than her.
Sounds clear to me. Could perhaps tell her something like....
- I feel lonely and disconnected from you.
- I need to feel physically close. I would like to feel close by intimate touch -- not necessarily sex. But hugs, kisses, holding hands.
- I need to feel emotionally close. I would like to feel close by heart to heart talks -- in person, on the phone. Quality time spent together.
- Could you be willing to meet my needs? Do you have needs I could meet that I am not meeting? Could you please talk to me?
To me it sounds like you are trying.
Hang in there!