As to the sexual intimacy issue, the last time I brought it up (last week) she simply said she's not ready. She didn't say no. But I just got her to read "Opening Up" by Tristam Taormino (and her guy is reading it, too). The sections on NRE and others may get her to re-examine her relationship with me. I just started reading "Intimacy and Desire" by David Schnarch. It is supposedly a fantastic book about resurrecting the desire in a marriage. After I'm done with it I'm going to urge her to read it.
My experience is that if someone has any interest in having sex with their spouse, they'll be doing it or working on it on their own. My experience, for what it's worth, is that pushing spouses (and spouse's boyfriends!) to read books to convince them you want and need more sex from her is not going to do any good at all. If she cared at all, something would have changed way before that.
Originally Posted by learninginTN
...The anger and borderline emotional abuse ... the bi-polar diagnosis...
....The trust issues....she had her affair.
The anger returned pretty much after she stopped taking the meds. ... She wants to be "herself" regardless of the collateral damage. ...
You're right about the NRE. It is the explanation for a lot of things, but can't be used as an excuse for a lot of the bad behavior.
Plus taking off for most of the weekend, not being there for her kids, screaming and yelling at them when she is...and in one of your posts, you're worried about whether you'll ever get up the balls to ask a girl out.
Bluntly here, you're not in junior high school. You have two children who need you.
You have a home life and marriage crashing down around your ears and theirs.
They need a mother, too, and at this point, she
needs tough love from you. She needs to be told clearly to start helping herself because she has two little girls depending on her, or to stop
with the collateral damage she's doing, and simply leave, so you can give these girls a peaceful home.
(Just a thought--I work with kids and one little girl told me yesterday her mother is back from an extended trip. I said, "You must be happy!" She said not really, now there's all kinds of screaming and yelling in their home again, that it was peaceful with just her and her dad. This is where you're heading. Kids DO say things to the teachers and adults in their lives. Is this what you want your daughters saying to their teachers?)
I see in this thread all kinds of concern about scheduling and NRE and getting sexual needs met.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN? Who is meeting THEIR needs?