Here's what I'm hearing... correct me if I am wrong ok?
- I have a BF and were are in a long term relationship. We plan a future together. Right now though, BF and I are getting very little time alone these days. I would like to correct that. (?)
- I have a close friend, who I'm sharing a lot of emotional intimacy, tight, closeness with right now. He's an ex lover, but I also have dbl entendre banter type convo with other friends. (BF is aware of my relationship and conversation style with my friend. He does not object. He has his own friends who interact in similar ways.)
- I am attracted romantically to my friend though, and am having trouble digesting that.
You also articulate this:
- I don't want to give up my BF.
- I do not want to give up my friendship with my guy friend.
So... who is making you do either?
Nothing is happening that cannot be. Nobody is fussing. Or is the guilt from this?
I feel guilty because I know something is lacking in my romance with BF -- we do not spend quality time together right now. I am putting more energy into that relationship with my friend than dealing with the "lack of time" need in my romance with BF. I feel guilty about this.
I do not know your circumstances but if your BF is an astronaut and off in space, you CANNOT spend time with him right now. It cannot be helped. So hanging out with your friend is not a biggie. But if you CAN tend to that need and are ignoring/neglecting to be present with the friend... that's another thing.
You do not articulate your need or circumstances. But I think your need could be this:
- I need the reassure from my BF that my being this tight with the friend is ok and not neglecting his wants, needs, or limits any.
- I need the reassure from my friend that our friendship isn't crossing lines with any of his wants, needs, or limits
- I need to share with someone (the bf? the friend) that I am experiencing romantic attraction to the friend and I need help digesting it. (it's been shared. You posted about it. You are fine, alive and well, to notice people and feel attraction.)
FWIW, I crush all the time. DH knows it and is amused. Just because I feel an attraction doesn't mean I am in a place where I want to pursue.
That goes into another area. If your WANT is that you want to talk to BF about pursuing with his goodwill on board -- that's another thing. Do you want that?
But just generally admiring your friends and feeling an attraction -- you are human. You will feel things. But you choose how to want to behave. You can feel all kinds of things and still choose to do ... nothing.
Could sit with yourself and determine where your own wants, needs, and limits lie at this time so you gain some clarity.