Originally Posted by BoringGuy
Oh come on. Are you sure you weren't having brain surgery just to get attention?
I don't normally go to such extremes when I need attention, but I'm putting it in my arsenal for the future.
Seriously, that made me laugh. Thank you.
Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Well, your partner having surgery is stressful. Lying to you about going to see her right after you had the surgery was WRONG. But perhaps it wasn't wrong for him to feel the need for support and cuddles from her when he was worried about you. If he wanted to go see his mom, or sister, or best friend after you came thru the surgery OK and were resting comfortably, would that be wrong? Maybe he felt he needed cuddles and even sex to comfort himself after worrying about you leading up to, and during your surgery. Was this aspect discussed at all?
Yes, this was discussed at length before I went into the hospital. My mom had this same surgery a decade or so ago, plus a bunch of others, so I know a bit about the stress of having a loved one go under the knife. My stepdad was a wreck when it was happening, so I was expecting similar from J. To my surprise, he exhibited none of the anxiety I expected. Outwardly he was confident that I had the best surgeon possible and everything would be fine. He was concerned, obviously, but the whole thing didn't seem to faze him much.
He claimed after the fact that he was just trying to be strong for me, but I think it's a cop out to try and justify what happened. I don't think less of him for needing emotional support, by any means, but I would have preferred him getting it from his mom or my family (who were with him the entire time I was in surgery) or a friend. The idea of being at my weakest and most vulnerable while he spends time with someone who thought poorly of me is unsettling. Like me being in the hospital and unable to meet his needs was somehow making the things she said about me true. Logically I know that's completely irrational, but at the time I was very emotional. I've never been the kind of person who uses their illness as a reason to not do things, and most of the people in my life didn't even know I was sick until I found out about this surgery despite being born with this illness. I'm capable, I'm tough, and I can do anything has always been my mindset so barely being able to function took a huge toll on my emotional well-being.