Originally Posted by undefinable
I am not comfortable with a "involvement in the community" provision as it feels to me like a price of admission. It seems exclusive, and elitist, and i just dont like it. For me it is akin to saying that a person who dedicates their life to jogging as far as possible is not an athlete because they do not compete in marathons. No recognition given for the countless hours, injuries, and sacrifices they have made, because they do not contribute to the process of athleticism.
Or like saying a gay man who does not have active involvement in LGBT issues. Attraction, romantic relationships, and sex with other men does not qualify if he doesnt participate in the community as well.
This touches on something I have been wondering about too. My partner and I agreed to dedicate one full year to learning about ethical non-monogamy, talking about our feelings, addressing issues between ourselves, all before we took the step of actually starting to meet new people socially. We are doing this to minimize avoidable mistakes and possible hurt to anyone. For us, this is the equivalent of training for a marathon. Rational people take the time, and put in the effort to prepare for something strenuous and new to them.
From what I have read, the poly group in the largest city near to us defines those suitable to join them as already being in polyamorous relationships.
In other words, we can't join them in order to learn how to do things correctly without having already done the thing we are joining to learn how to do. We can't sign up for classes, so to speak, until we have already graduated.
The price of admission referred to above is simply not possible. This just baffles me.