Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
It also sums up precisely why I don't want anything to do with any of the local alternative lifestyle communities here. I do grasp why some people feel so strongly about privacy. HOWEVER-secrecy creates a "safe" environment for abusive behavior and that is not something I want ANYTHING to do with.
I have observed and experienced that when someone has invested too much in a "group" or "intentional community", whenever something goes wrong within the group, it makes their whole life hit the fan. I see this happen in roller derby, probably more often than i realize because i am not in the first-string loop when it comes to the latest gossip. But every once in a while, someone is just suddenly GONE, and then come to find out there was some drama involving two or more people having sex with each other... Like these "alternative-lifestyle" groups, this sport can suck up your whole social life, and if something happens, you have nowhere else to go for support because everyone is either involved or is involved with someone who is involved. It's much better to have your own thing going that you can either step out of and visit other things and leave when you've had enough, or invite people into your thing for a visit and dictate the terms.
I use the word "dictate" loosely and non-judgmentally, meaning "my house, my rules" when it comes to people who do not live there. It could be as simple as asking guests to remove their shoes inside, or as complex as having to ask someone to leave because they disrespected a family member (which isn't really that "complex" at all, although sometimes people make it seem complex; it is however an emotionally-charged thing while removing one's shoes upon request should not be).