Well, your partner having surgery is stressful. Lying to you about going to see her right after you had the surgery was WRONG. But perhaps it wasn't wrong for him to feel the need for support and cuddles from her when he was worried about you. If he wanted to go see his mom, or sister, or best friend after you came thru the surgery OK and were resting comfortably, would that be wrong? Maybe he felt he needed cuddles and even sex to comfort himself after worrying about you leading up to, and during your surgery. Was this aspect discussed at all?
Second: yes, after 10 dates she has a right to her feelings. After one date, she has a right to her feelings and her needs.
But if she is disrespectful across the board, bad mouthing you, outing you, yea, thats unacceptable.
My gf has been very patient about me dating men she might not find appealing, or 100% good for me, but, bless her heart, she knew it was my journey and that I had something to learn from dating/fucking all these different sorts of guys (I was married and mono for 30+ years and needed to sample a large range of men).
But none of them dissed her or made her life personally uncomfortable!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
In a newish relationship with Steve, (33, poly)
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years