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Old 01-05-2010, 09:39 AM
Blaidwynn Blaidwynn is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 9
Smile no more confusion - just relief

I am about as new to this as one can get and alot of my own confusion came during my first marriage because I was still very much in love (and still am) with a young woman I'd known since childhood. A tremendous amount of pressure and questions of right and wrong plagued me - I could not discuss it with my then wife because of her personal issues so I wrangled with it alone and loved the other silently from a distance, taking on the role of "friend". This turmoil had the effect of blinding me to a second connection that formed with my then wife's younger sister, though we both felt it neither of us acknowledged it or even spoke of it for over 20 years. This attraction added to my confusion even more as I kept my then wife's feelings under close consideration. I was married to the woman 8 years and it ended with her leaving (a whole other story). The two women had, in the interim, gotten married to men who would abuse them both terribly. I offered my support and advise to both as I continued to be the "friend" role I had settled for. Though the relationships were damaged on their own I respected both women enough to not interfere and ruin their marriages. My own confusion over now loving two married women seemed almost overwhelming. More and more years passed and I fell in love with and married my current wife who was very supportive of me and did not condemn me for my "friends" as my 1st wife had.
During a conversation with my childhood love I was introduced to the idea that there was an entire culture of people who loved more than one person and it was ok. I had a moment like a switch turned on in my mind saying "Oh, that's what I am. Thank God!" and I embraced the aspect of myself that i had denied for over 20 years because of societal constraints. Not long after this discovery I was visiting in the town where both of the women now lived over a holiday and finally was able to speak to my ex-wife's sister about the love I was holding for her, she had left her abusive husband and was pursuing divorce, and she revealed to me that she shared that love for me and for the first time (last week) ever I was able to kiss her and hold her close to me and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. My current wife not only doesn't mind but encourages me, almost cried herself to see us at last together in love. To this date I have never kissed my childhood love but our bond is of a deeper more spiritual nature, she is poly as well and we both know we love each other and have acknowledged it.
I am not confused anymore and my wife, new girlfriend and i are now exploring new sides to ourselves and the wonders of freely offered and received love.

i hope this inspires others to enjoy the gift of having the ability to love on a grander scale.
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