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Old 02-24-2013, 02:59 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 476

This is all good stuff, guys, thank you!

I have no plans to contact her right now, not for at least another week or two. I am well aware that I need to give myself more time to pull back emotionally or I'll be right back where I started.

I am the one who insisted on no contact after the break up, and the big blowup we had post-break up was because I felt she wasn't respecting my space. You see, back when we first started dating, I invited her to join a pub trivia team that plays at a local bar. The team consisted of me and three of my next-door neighbors. When we broke up she begged me to stay on the team. As I know she doesn't have much of a social life, I said ok, I'd take a break from playing for a while. Then, she showed up at a party at my next door neighbors house. I heard her voice over my fence and I freaked because now I felt I couldn't go. I said she wasn't respecting my boundaries, she said I was overreacting. That's the last contact we had.

Before I broke it off with her, we discussed the possibility of transitioning to platonic friends. She was sure she could, I was the one who said I didn't really want to be friends. I already have many close female friends, and she doesn't seem to have any, so I worry she doesn't really understand the difference. You can't be friends with someone you're totally hot for, and whatever else was going wrong with us, it wasn't for lack of heat.

Before I do anything, I do need to decide (as GalaGirl wisely states) what exactly I want. The last two months of our relationship, the way she completely withdrew was unbearably painful for me. I am a highly sensitive person, and my attachment style is rather insecure. She is a classic love avoidant with some narcissistic tendencies Everytime I wanted reassurance or expressed emotions, she took it as personal attack and either attacked or withdrew. Physically, I am just sooooo goddamned attracted to her, though, and I love her brilliant, unique mind, her confidence, her goofy sense of humor. She admitted to me at one point that she has never been as vulnerable as quickly with anyone, for what its worth. And I am so grateful for the passion she woke up inside of me, and how it has affected my life for the better, ultimately.

I want to be her lover if I can do it without hurting me.
OR I want to be her friend if I can do it without wanting more.
At the very least, I want to be able to go to trivia night with my neighbors and her without feeling awkward.
I want to stop feeling terrified that I'll run into her and we'll act like strangers (we live on a small island.)
Mostly, I think I just want to stop wanting her so I can be at peace.

I am not, by nature, very zen, I'm more pagan/nature worshipper and Greek god/Aphrodite oriented But if I'm going to be ok with this woman on any level, I have got to seriously detach and be devoid of expectation.

Thanks again for listening and for your advice.
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