you should give yourself more credit
I donít think youíre giving yourself enough credit, not to knock on your wife because not being hyper-cautious and extra-considerate about everything new seems to be a mistake that is the norm. Not everyone handles little mistakes like that as well as you did, and how respectful your wifeís lovers are makes all the difference in the world. You and your wife can choose to close any box you open, so donít worry about if you need to stall for moment and do nothing for a few weeks.
Hormones rage when you meet someone new, if it really does help when the other guy recognizes what happened and talks with your wife and agrees to a chill for week or so, but really indefinite until they approach you and ask first, get your explicit permission. I realize this is beyond your control, but just in case any readers who find themselves in the other guys position, it really does go a long way to making people comfortable with small gestures of respect. Showing that they do care about how you are doing makes a person feel a lot less ignored.
A lot of people inadvertently make things a whole lot more painful then it could have been by overlooking seemingly insignificant details. When things enter the realm of less casual, people donít always fore see ahead of time how great an effect those emotions have. Often because we casual relationships the emotions are can be set aside for short periods.
I think you're handling it extremely well