I’m looking for tips on letting go, on how to not be attached to the outcome if I approach her again.
How about accepting that on the
independent <--> interdependent <--> dependent
spectrum you both live at different places? If 1 is very independent and 10 is dependent and liking to be together LOTS? A 5 person and a 7 person may be able to compromise and bridge the spectrum gap. A 2 person and a 9 person may find that the spectrum gap is just too honkin' big to bridge.
Nobody's fault they are wired how they are but could ACCEPT this about their personalities and stop trying to square peg/round hole.
How about letting more time pass? To fade down the volume of the hurt of the old thing (romance) before trying to begin a new thing there? (friendship?)
Also, I’m wondering how to go about contacting her, what to say, how to open the door that’s currently closed between us. She isn’t very good with emotions, which is where I live, and I’m not so good at acting like everything’s fine when that’s not how I feel.
Depends on what you seek when you contact her.
- What is it you want? To just say goodbye better than the blowing up ugly texts? Get a better closure than that?
- To start the romance again?
- To be friends?
You are not clear on what it is you seek. Could sit with that.
"Letting go of attachment" to me is accepting that life is lived as journey and things are not static in a life. Things change over time. Even standing stock still -- we are on a planet that moves many miles around the sun. We grow, age, we change, etc. Our relationships change too. I think every religion copes with "how to be weathering changes" in it's own style.
8 fold path for the buddhists, "wheel of the year" for pagans that follow that style, ecclesiastes 3:1 for those who follow the bible. Whatever the style -- it is there. Change happens. I do not know what your spiritual practices might be, but this could be a good time to visit with them. Be it talking a walk in the woods or reading sacred text, or painting or whatever it is you do to tend to your spiritual health. You took a ding in that bucket. You could make time to mend.
Thing changed for you here in this relationship. Could just let that be ok. You got to have an Experience, now YOU are changed too inside. Now at THIS point in time is a new experience -- the time of breaking up ness. Time will pass. You will change again. Then it will be the New Time of Something Else.
You will be ok.
Perhaps I should just move on and try to find a woman more emotionally compatible, but that’s easier said than done. I really, really dug her. Any advice greatly appreciated.
Welcome to dating. Not every dating partner will be a runner, not every runner will be long haul. It's part of the business of dating. I mean that kindly, but firmly.
The only way NOT to feel bummed out or disappointed if a dating partner isn't a runner after all? Don't date so you don't have to deal with the inherent "dating risks" to dating and sorting out who the compatible ones are.
Rather than plunge into dating a new person, you could just sit back a bit and take a time out to finish healing from this break up. THEN start dating again if that is what you wish. Again, things keep on changing. You will change along with it. You will be ok.