baby steps.. (sorry, it's long)
So it's been over a year since I've posted here so I'll re-introduce my self, especially because I wasn't very active in the first place.
I'm a mom of three and married to a military man, I home school our kids, work from home for a family business, and volunteer for a few things. So needless to say I'm a fairly busy person.
Last year I finally figured out that I was poly in my frame of mind. In highschool and after I never really realized it, but I was pretty open with relationships. I loved being loved and I loved a lot of people.. Then I got married to a horrible person (we had gotten pregnant) and I basically lost contact with most of my friends; and finally realized I was in the wrong place in life and left him. The divorce was long to receive for various reasons. But during that time I saw a few people and found the man I am now married to.
When we met we were very honest with each other, I was WAY more experienced sexually, and we discussed our fantasies and all that. But we were just happy to be us. He is military so military life provided enough of it's own ups and downs with out adding any thing else.
So fast forward to 8 years later (last year) and I realized the poly lifestyle is what I identified with best. I realized this when I realized I had fallen for his best friend. NRE or what ever it may be, it felt great to have him around to be around him, when him and I would go do stuff (like lunch or a movie - platonic). So last year I came on here and with help here and with a few friends who are poly, decided that i needed to be honest. (realizing that at some point hubby and I had lost the complete honesty we used to have in our relationship). So I spilled to hubby and met a brick wall. .. And gave up.
Obviously this did nothing for my feelings for his best friend. A year later (now) and I absolutely am in love with this man. We haven't done anything alone in a long time, partly because of the military life, partly because since they came back from their last deployment we've all seemed to be closer.
Let me take a break here and just say - I received an email from hubby after Christmas that said this. " He and I (hubby) were talking about Christmas and he said that for him, this Christmas didn't bother him too much because he is with the one person he usually spends Christmas with anyways (best friend usually spends Christmas with hubby and I); he said the only thing missing was you (hubby saying I was the only thing missing). I agreed. " ~ I was just about in tears when I read that part of the email from hubby because there were only two people that I was missing, and they just confirmed by this email that they were missing me too. Both of them...
So since they came back from deployment we've been doing more together. It probably helps that we now live closer too; because, during that deployment the house I was living with had a major septic back up and I lost half of my house (everything in the basement). So I ended up moving to a new house that is just around the corner from him. He comes over for dinner and game night weekly, hubby and him do a lot of biking together and other activities. He actually helped us buy a second vehicle; we were in need of a second vehicle since the move left us broke and hubby's old vehicle broke down. (we didn't ask for this, he just told hubby one day he was going to help. I asked him why and he just looked at me and said because we needed it.)
Since all of this I've been very open with hubby about reading books on polyamory, he would sit down and watch things with me about it. So finally the other night I told him again. That it would feel right to me to accept this man into a relationship, like a Vee. I told hubby it doesn't mean I don't love him any less and he told me he knew and he said he wasn't angry I felt that way. He says he has noticed that I am attracted to our friend.
So now.... I don't know how to proceed.
It's out there, he knows how I feel. Do I let him processes it or do I ask him if I can tell our friend how I feel? I want him to not feel pressured.