"poly couples" again... the oxymoron.
I read stories about attempted triads, aborted triads, triads-yet-to be manifested, where there is this "original couple" trying to "add a third", with some kind of grotesque fascination. In my own personal limited vicarious experience, I have observed that "the couple" is always assumed to be the original pair... How the third relates to the couple individually and as a unit. i never seem to notice "the couple" ever referring to one of the original pair + the third. There always seems to be an onus on "the third" to relate and adjust to the established climate of "the COUPLE". It's a subtle thing that manifests itself in ways that transcend the meaning of words on paper. It's one of those deals where what people DON'T say communicates more than whatt they DO say.
I think it's possible to BE a "poly couple", but not if your common goal is to "have a triad". Even if you (the original pair) are still "looking" for your "third", itt is not too soon to start practice losing this "us-plus-one" mentality thaat drives the agenda. the only "poly couples" are two people together at any given time who happen to be in a non-monogamous relationship agreement. When I am with my Spouse, we are a "poly couple"; when we are wiith ourr other paartners, we are each part of a "poly-couple" with them. When I am with my Other Partner, I am not thinking of my relationship with Spouse as the "REAL" couple. Likewise, I do not think of my marriage as being any more of a "REAL" poly-couple just because it's got legal paperwork and a longeer duration than Spouse's relationship with their OSO. The two of them are juust as muuch of a "poly-couple" as we are even though they've only been together for a yeaar andd don't share finances. There is no one "central" poly-couple and all other relationships are "satellites". Each relationship stands on its own as a "couple", because ultimately, you can only be in a relationship with any peerson AS one pperson. No matter how married and committed you are, you cannot merge your consciousness with another human being to the point where you act as one unit in a relationship with a "third". I know I'll probably get razzed for saying that ("my poly is not your poly" and all that knee-jerk mumbo-jumbo people like to say when they don't like it but can't think of anything else to say), as I have seen enough "poly couples" who think they are so tuned in to each other they might as well be one person instead of two. I mean, it isn't a crime to feel that way about each other, but it is a little creepy and off-putting when you take it out into public and try to find another person whom you expect to hitch their planet onto your solar system. The original "poly couple" gets to be the sun, and everyone else is just a planet?
That's my thesis about "poly couples". I don't expect anyone to change for me, and I don't even wish for that. I will continue to judge things based on what I observe and experience, however.
Last edited by BoringGuy; 02-23-2013 at 06:59 PM.
Reason: Didn't edit but apology for repeating letters. Keyboard does that & i'm too lazy to fix it all.