I am a 40yr old bisexual woman, poly throughout my twenties, but got married and managed to stay monogamous nearly 15 years. This summer, I had a midlife crisis culminating in a 5-month long love affair with a woman, nearly decimating my marriage. After a very difficult few months, my husband finally agreed to allow me to date women. Unfortunately, my lover I broke up soon after, and there are no new ladies on my radar (honestly, Iím still hung up on my ex, see thread here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41295
On the other hand, a male friend and I have sprouted some serious lust for each other, and I am starting to think I would like to, eventually, date him, if possible. I really do prefer having more than one lover, I like what it brings to my life and my energy.
My husband is monogamous, though Iíve told him he doesnít have to be. He does have a female friend that he flirts with. Iíve encouraged him to pursue it, even offered to talk to her for him, in hopes that we can open up our marriage a bit more at some point, but heís very scared to take that plunge, and Iím not about to push him. Heís already come a long way out of his comfort zone very quickly.
Iím in no rush at this point. Iím still healing from my breakup with my female lover, and considering how upset I was when that ended, my husband would rightfully be reluctant to watch me go through another affair of the heart right now. Iím enjoying my new, more exciting and open dynamic with my husband, too. Iím fine, for now, just flirting and enjoying my young male friend, though heís definitely pushing to take it to the next level. Currently, I donít wish to cross any lines I canít uncross, and have refused any invitation from my friend which involves being alone with him unless its in a very public place.
My husband has said to me in the past ďIf you decide to sleep with another guy, just make sure I donít find out about it.Ē Not exactly permission, I know, but even with the girls he prefers ďDonít Ask, Donít Tell,Ē so maybe thatís the best Iíll ever get.
Back when we were first dating, I was the meat in a sandwich between him and my ex-boyfriend a couple of times, so he has survived seeing me with another man before. Subtlety is key: hubby is a very stubborn Leo, and if I push him, he shuts down. Any tips on warming my husband up to the possibility of me seeing other guys, and encouraging him to explore his own options?