From what you have said, all your intentions were good, and you handled the situation as best you could. I think she had a right to know what was going on, but I also the Joe should have been the one to tell her. It may have happened to you, but there is no way a pregnancy with you will not affect his relationship with her.
As for asking her not to tell Joe, I guess I understand that, but if I were in his shoes it would bother me. Your reason for asking her not to is valid, and I don't think there was any reason not to say it. I do think a reasonable time frame could have been included with the request though. (eg. I will talk to Joe tonight/tomorrow/Monday/whatever, please don't say anything until I have.) That way you still bring it up, but she doesn't feel like she is packing some unending burden.
The stress of a bad situation, a lack of support from your partner, and a lack of firsthand information for her, all of this makes for a lousy conversation, and it is no surprise that some feelings were hurt along the way. Best advice, apologize for anything you feel guilty for, and deal with anything that is left after that. Better communication between all three of you could help in the future, but all in all you did well in a crappy situation.
These things happen, we gotta roll with it.
All the best to you and yours,
Life is all about connections. Love is infinite. Spread the wealth.
Last edited by undefinable; 02-23-2013 at 03:53 AM.
Reason: was having a fun with ingrish moment