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Old 02-22-2013, 08:14 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
And I never got the chance because the entire conversation/argument was him angry and venting and me trying to pull back and keep calm try to put things on pause so he could cool down and we could talk about it later without the anger and insults.
So you try to give constructive feedback and he is unwilling to receive?

Quote:
When he says no, that's usually the end of it. He hasn't said no to reading the links, he just seems annoyed that I think he needs help with things like conflict resolution and effective communication.
Again -- he's not willing to receive constructive feedback? Or he perceives ANY feedback from you as criticism? Or he think he knows it all to polyshipping and not willing to hear your POV? What is his fear? Abandonment?

Quote:
I knew, on some level, that I should have done this...and tried to. But in the past, he's seen that as "running away", and has asked for me not to do it, so when I made the request and he didn't want me to go, I stayed and just tried not to get hooked in to arguing. Tried to stay neutral, calm, though by the end of it I was upset and in tears despite my attempts not to let it rattle me, and then he was upset that I was hurt and he left abruptly, which sorta made me angry that he was doing exactly what he'd asked me not to do.
Because that quote makes it sound like he could have abandonment fear somehow?

Could try "Look, I am not going to run away from the whole relationship. But I'm not here to be an emotional punching bag either. When you are calmer and not upset and willing to try to discuss this calmly, we can try again. I will call you Friday. If you are ready before then, let me know. But I am done for today, I need rest and a time out to calm down myself. Thank you."

Maybe giving him a time frame could help reassure?
Quote:
Most of our issues seem to be grounded in the two, honestly- conflict resolution and effective communication. I think he and I both need a crash course in how to talk about 'hot button' issues to actually resolve them instead of having them fester and then pop back up over and over again.
Sounds like a fair assessment to me. Is he open to exploring that? What about learning Non-Violent Communication?

Book on amazon or could seek trainings. Or both.

Quote:
He and I both do seem to want serious commitment in our relationship. He tells me often he doesn't want to lose me, wants me in his life, wants me close, and how much he loves me, and I feel the same about him. I don't know about the relationship model agreement, that is one of the things I am hoping we can sort when we talk next.
That sounds hopeful for this situation. He does want committment. Is he also willing to do the work on both sides that requires? Or is "committment" to him more like you do what he says because he's the domme and you are the sub and this is a 24/7 lifestyle approach?

Quote:
Sometimes I think we communicate better via voice, when there's less likelihood to misconstrue a tone of voice with the text, but then again, sometimes the text is better for getting your thoughts organized as you type them...it's hard to say.
Ok, if the text was the communication vehicle and it's not flying great -- try more ORAL then for CONFLICT times?

Then leave the ok text for just general communication and sharing? Maybe could be a mix of communication vehicles that serves your relationship best.

Hang in there. You sound like you are trying hard to move this forward. Hopefully he will be equally as willing.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-22-2013 at 08:17 PM.
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