Never lie in poly !!! No, no, no, never! Personal integrity and full yet compassionate honesty is the only way to go.
This guy wants his hot 3some. He's been shelling out mucho bucks to try and make that happen.
And some newbies wonder why we come down hard on unicorn hunters here....
You have a right to have sex with someone you truly desire. He has no right to perv on you if you do not desire him. Of course you don't even want simple friendship if he won't stop being all pervy, and pressuring you right and left.
Personally, I wouldn't want to live with a guy who can't accept my boundaries, not matter how I felt about his wife and child. However, you need to be honest as the day is long. He did make your ability to parnter with his wife easier, by agreeing to use their funds to help you travel, etc. But he did it b/c he wants to get into your pants!
He has a right to boundaries too. Maybe you being 4-6 hrs on skype with his wife every night makes him envious?
Is he interested in finding his own gf? Just because his wife got lucky enough to find you doesn't give him the right to glom onto her gf.
Anyway, those are just my first thoughts.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37