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Old 02-22-2013, 06:45 PM
Tamcat Tamcat is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 24

but since you've already done so I'll just add: if it were me (or, when it is me, cause this can happen with TGIB especially) I wouldn't have asked if we could wait. I would have just stopped engaging and responding. You can't choose his behavior, but you can choose yours. Rather than trying to get him to agree on ANYTHING when he's not in the headspace to listen, I would have just said as calmly as possible, "I'm not going to have this discussion with you right now. When you're calmer and ready to be more constructive you can let me know."
I knew, on some level, that I should have done this...and tried to. But in the past, he's seen that as "running away", and has asked for me not to do it, so when I made the request and he didn't want me to go, I stayed and just tried not to get hooked in to arguing. Tried to stay neutral, calm, though by the end of it I was upset and in tears despite my attempts not to let it rattle me, and then he was upset that I was hurt and he left abruptly, which sorta made me angry that he was doing exactly what he'd asked me not to do.

We need help with communicating about difficult, emotional issues and resolving conflict, I think I'm seeing that as the most pressing issue right now. I feel like if we could both get better at those skills, that we could approach the rest with a better and more positive outlook and actually make some progress on the things that have been troubling us.
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