I don't blame you for feeling shock. I just read it and I feel like "whoa! This is awful!" So your feeling
is not unfounded. I am sorry you are hurting.
Others have already given good input. I'm going to just sum up how I understand this and give my input. So this is what the situation is?
My husband told me last month that
- he hasn’t been happy for the past YEAR(!)
- he isn’t sexually attracted to me as much as before and he didn’t love me as much as before.
- He wanted James , guy he's known 2 mos, to become our house boy/slave boy and live permanently with us
- he wants to travel the world (literally selling everything we have to travel the world like gypsies).
- I must accept it, or we should split because he wants to be a dominant top with a submissive slave boy. It is a dealbreaker for him.
- upset (for many reasons)
- not willing to have James move in.
- not willing to sell everything and travel like that
- feeling like he's some stranger I cannot recognize
- feeling not safe in this situation.
- feeling devalued and our relationship devalued ("I can’t understand why he is doing this to me, how can he put our relationship on the table like this?")
- feeling confused from his mixed messages. (He wants all those things above, and then says "He says he still loves me, and wants this threesome arrangement to work, and that he wants both of us. " But he approaches me with less than loving behavior. Behavior I find upsetting and confusing. )
A good domme understands the care and keeping of a sub. No sub? Doesn't get to BE a domme. And you can only domme ethically within the framework established and negotiated with the sub. This sounds like it steps outside your framework. It's beyond fresh, selfish. It's sounding crazy, unsafe. Is he well?
At this point? SAY NO. I AM NOT WILLING TO GO ALONG WITH THIS.
Put the brakes on this. You will hurt either way, so save yourself from MORE incoming pain.
Some choices in life are not "win/lose" but "this stinks, and this stinks. So which stinks the least then?"
I'd go with NOT dealing with James in your house, NOT dealing with traveling the world like gypsies. Those def do not sound fun to you, so do not reach toward those things. Plain and simple. This is your personal limitation.
He seems more willing to pursue this adventure than to stay in this relationship. He knows it's not even logic, but can't control it.
Has he emotionally abandoned you? Has he not been PRESENT in the relationship if all this stuff is news
to you? A year is a lot. Was he telling you all along and you not wanting to listen? Or he did not bother to make you aware of his changing wants, needs, and limits at all?
I was wondering about his mental health too. Because I was reading and thinking -- "Dude! Is this guy even ok in his mental health? All this stuff sounds over the top!" When was your husband's last health check up?
You could respond with something like this...
"I love you. I do not love THIS.
This plan sounds over the top to me. This person you have known only 2 months and you want them to move in. You want to sell all our stuff and be an impulsive world traveler. This is impulsive stuff that I do not care for.
I would like to request you get a health check up. Even you say this is not logical and cannot control it. You seem out of control, so get a health screening. If you are not well, let's find out before making major life decisions.
If you are unwilling to get a screening, and you insist on this and want it to be like a dealbreaker? Then my regretful answer sadly has to be NO. Deal broken then.
I am just not willing to get myself into a situation like that. I am responsible for looking out for my own mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health and none of your offer is healthy sounding for me. Offer declined. Thank you. "
You may not enjoy starting a new chapter of your life without him, but you will not enjoy starting a new chapter of your life WITH him under these conditions! You can choose to love him from a safer place, that is OUT of the line of fire if he's hell bent on crazy self destructive or relationship destructive things.
Either way there will be some pain, so pick the choice that pains YOU less. Choose your own best healths and your own well being -- choose to put your OWN oxygen mask on first.