Oh believe me dinged, I know our issues are multi-dimensional. The anger and borderline emotional abuse started not long after our girls were born, and the bi-polar diagnosis and subsequent treatment seemed to help a good bit. The trust issues came about after she had her affair. Our MC at that time thought perhaps the manic phase of bi-polar was pushing her into hypersexuality. Very possible.
The anger returned pretty much after she stopped taking the meds. She hates taking the meds. She wants to be "herself" regardless of the collateral damage. She often thinks she will be OK by getting away from the girls, and me, and finding someone who will accept her the way she is. And maybe she's right. But that would devastate me and the girls, and that's why I'm fighting this fight. At some point I may reach the point where I don't want to fight this fight. I think about it constantly. Right now, I am, and I relish the small, good things that occur occasionally.
You're right about the NRE. It is the explanation for a lot of things, but can't be used as an excuse for a lot of the bad behavior.
As to the sexual intimacy issue, the last time I brought it up (last week) she simply said she's not ready. She didn't say no. But I just got her to read "Opening Up" by Tristam Taormino (and her guy is reading it, too). The sections on NRE and others may get her to re-examine her relationship with me. I just started reading "Intimacy and Desire" by David Schnarch. It is supposedly a fantastic book about resurrecting the desire in a marriage. After I'm done with it I'm going to urge her to read it. She knows that my position on this new polyamory relationship model for us is based on getting my needs met, and if we don't make reasonable progress towards that, I'll end the polyamory experiment, because I won't tolerate not having my needs met for very much longer.
Last edited by learninginTN; 02-22-2013 at 04:27 PM.