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Old 02-22-2013, 07:34 AM
Monochrome Monochrome is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 13

I don't see anything in your example that tells me this is your fault, but I suspect there is a lot more going on. A few items:

- She just graduated and is having trouble looking for a job. She could be depressed, maybe very depressed. This is reinforced, to me, by being asleep at 1700. Is she normally a night owl?

- While she is possibly depressed, you are working insane hours.

- While you are working insane hours, you have zero reception and limited ability to IM and/or email with her.

This adds up to a great deal of loneliness (even if she isn't depressed). It isn't surprising that she might take some of this out on you for not being around, nor that she might become strongly attached to someone who is around more to connect with.

You quoted her: " i just dont know how i am hurting you, its like youre just mad at me all the time" Have you told her what you posted here? Did you tell her, "I feel a lot of pain that I never see her, sometimes for weeks at a time, I feel bad at night when i go to sleep." ? What did she say?

I have been in a similar position, and am in a slightly similar position now. After she graduated and before she found a job, ThatGirlInGray (my wife) struggled with depression. I wasn't there, as I was halfway around the world at school finishing a semester abroad. I have had jobs (as has TGIG) that greatly limited our contact during work hours, thought nothing like 0900-2200. And at the moment, both TGIG and her OSO ThatGuyInBlack are both home most of the day (both are unemployed, both are caretakers for family members in their respective homes). They spend a lot of time talking to each other while I'm unavailable at work. It can suck, sometimes, because they have all this time to share during the day. But, TGIG does really well at making time for just the two of us, and we also have chats with all three of us(since he's long distance), and sometimes email chains riffing on jokes or such.

Did you two ever talk about polyamorism before things started up with H? She may not actually be ready for this, or may turn out to be intrinsically mono. Some people, like myself, are unlikely to be capable of having romantic feelings for more than one person at a time. That could be the case for her, even if she wishes that were not the case.
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